Tonight.

I've saved this post as a draft for a day coz i am too lost and confused with my own feelings ytd. I've kind of sorted out my thinking so here i am saying out what i feel. You guys dont really have to know what happen, but its just some kind of problems im facing. But i guess all these are the parts and parcels of life.
Some truths are hard to accept, but its better if you are strong and just accept and face the fact.
I know, i guess everyone knows it. Its just that its always easy to say, but difficult to do.
Sometimes we do know the truth, yet we just avoid it, find excuses.
But does it lead you anywhere? Even if there's no problems now, someday there's gonna be some problems.
Yes, people say we have to fight hard for something you really want. Yet sometimes, it doesnt really applies to everything. I would say, sometimes, just giving up, letting go, may be a better choice though.
I guess you're right, there's too many things that i didnt know.
But this is not your fault. You know, i dont blame, dont hate you at all. Because i know, somehow or somewhere, you still did spare a thought for me. And through all these, i'll somehow grow stronger and learn alot more.
I know im such an indecisive person. I am confused with my own thoughts. I know whats best for me, but i dont want to do it that way.
Actually there's so much more i wanted to say to you. I dont know if you will ever read this, i doubt so but, but, if u really do, keep reading on.

...
Like what i've mentioned, i never hated you/blamed you coz i clearly know u were not in the wrong.
In fact, you did spare a thought for me somehow.
But i wished you could have said it to me. It might not make a difference to what i've heard, but i wanted it to be from you. Though you didnt, im fine with it, i believed you are sparing a thought for me.
Im sorry for being so spoilt, so unreasonable and not thinking in your position. Im sorry for lying, i didnt want to, in fact i hate to lie, but thats my only choice.
I hope you understand me, why im doing all these.
Actually u know, i dont expect anything, i dont need you to do anything.
I dont want to add to your troubles or problems.
I just want you to know, there are certain times when you have to be hard on others in order to really help them. Being too soft might only cause more harm.
I know you dont want to, or dont mean to, but, im not a little girl. You see, im 18 years old, not very very old but yes, old enough to learn.
I hope you will see that i still treat you as a friend, and anytime you really need me, i can be there.
And i guess somehow after going through all these, after a while, i wont be seen by you as a xiao mei mei anymore.
As for now, lets just continue to pretend, pretend as if everything's alright okay?
...

Okay end of it.
Im fine people. Thanks to those who cared and i'll soon get back up.
Tonight, i wish, its the last night for all these emo thoughts.
9 more days, i want to get back up so at least i wont be drowing in those emo thoughts and make my day an emo one.
BYEBYE.
:D I'll start to smile from now.