Is it time?

I dont know why im always like this, i want to change, i know i need to change, but i just cant change.
I hate myself for being like this, i dont want to be like this, but what can i do?
Whats the point of helping me when i just wont get anywhere further?
Whats the point of not giving up on me when im always disappointing others?
I know, i've heard every single word others tell me, but i cant do it.
Its not as if i dont understand, not as if it doesnt makes sense to me, but i just cant do it.
Its always easier said than done, you tell people to do something, thinking it was so easy, but no, the person doing it wont find it easy at all.
Im so tired and sick of these repeated problems, and always, i've thought i got over it, or can get over it, but till now, i still find that i cant.
Perhaps some things in life, you can never change, never.
Just like my personality, my mentality towards everything. For those who know me long, do u ppl actually know that i always have a very negative mentality when i do things. Perhaps in the past not so much, but as i've met with more setbacks, i've became more and more negative when it comes to viewing things around me.
I know i shouldnt, but i cant change it. And perhaps, some things, no matter how much effort i've put in, how much i've tried, it doesnt change anything.
I should have told myself not to put any hopes, because i should have known, no one can understand how i feel.
Yes, perhaps u ppl tried to talk to me, and maybe i did, but no, none of u understands.
And i should have known, no one would believe me.
I should have known all these..... And i stupidly thought that by saying some things out, it would make a difference, someone would at least understands and tries to help me.
Yes, i know u tried to help, but u still dont understand how i feel, do you?
I've got many htht this few weeks, whenever im feeling down. Yes, i know whatever others told me makes sense, i know they are trying to help, but i just cant get it into my brain. In fact, those words you people said, i can tell myself the same thing too, but i just cant change.
Im really sick of all these, whenever im feeling so terrible, i'll cry and cry and have all sorts of thoughts running through my mind, i'll feel like a loser, feel like giving up and everything.
But once i've cried finish, after a little while, i'll get back to my normal self, get over those thoughts. But sooner or later, i'll have those problems coming back to me, cry, get over it, then cry, and then get over it.
I mean when is it gonna stop? Do i really have to carry on like this?
Is giving up really my only choice? But i dont want to have any regrets, im afraid of making decisions, because i always made the wrong ones....
And i really hate myself for these, why am i so damn fickle minded? Why do i treat failures so easily? Why cant i manage stress well? Why am i so weak? Why do i have such low confidence with myself? Why am i so pessimistic? WHY WHY WHY?
I've got a homework or assignment, whatever u call that, something which im told to do, but i feel that i can never get it done.
Im needed to write down a few things which i love about myself, and a few things which i hate about myself. A few things which i think i am good at, and a few things which i think im not doing well at.
Seriously, what i hate about myself, and what im not doing well at, i've got a whole list. But i cant complete the part which says what i love about myself, and what im good at.
I think i can never complete this homework of mine. Never. I've spend about one whole week thinking about it, but yet to thought of any.
I know im such a disappointment, which is why, i dont really blame others. Because i know im the one who disappoints them right from the start.
Im fine now, i've wiped my tears and im in my normal self while typing this.
But i know soon enough, i'll end up crying over the same old problems.
Im sorry, really sorry. I know sorry doesnt mean anything if i dont prove to you that im really apologetic, but thats the only thing i can say.
Perhaps its time for a break, and this time round, i really need to give it a serious thought.
Just want to finish all my damn projects, get all these burdens off, maybe by that time, i'll be calm enough to sort out my thinking.