Problem

I was just thinking, if all the problems we had were like maths problems where there's a standard formula to it, a standard solution to it, everything would be so simple. We wouldnt need to ponder about it, wouldnt need to get affected by it.
I just realized some things today.
Sometimes when people say something, you can listen to them, but dont take it seriously. Because they might not mean what they said, and in the end, its you who will get yourself hurt.
And humans, are really superficial. They only judge by what their eyes can see. Why didnt anyone judge using their hearts, on what they can feel? You saw this, you saw that, and you implied, you assumed, you misunderstood others. Do you know how hurtful it feels?
It really hurts when you believed and trusted someone, but just to realize that the person didnt meant what he/she said. No, worse still, the person didnt even believe you. Sometimes when you are so depressed, so irritated, having lots of problems, when someone lends you a helping hand, a listening ear, you tend to be very grateful to that person. But, it hurts after knowing that behind every words that was said, there's a different story to it. They dont mean what they said.
Sometimes you know some words are lies, but you still stupidly chose to believe. Coz you thought, maybe, maybe there is a possibility it might be true. You just didnt want to give up on that small little possibility.
Yes, its true that some people may have helped you. But its time to learn not to trust people too much.
Problem, it always exist. Just that we are too good at pretending. Pretending as if nothing happened, no problems exist.

End of year 2 sem 1 :D

Hi guys, its the end of my exams and im here to update my blog!
Feeling so relax after everything's over.
I know perhaps i wont do really well for my modules this sem, but well, i guess sometimes we shouldnt really expect too much as long as we did our best.
Apparently, i had a test for one of my modules, and i got back the test results on tue. I thought i would get an A, but i didnt. It was a B+, i was so disappointed that day, coz i thought the test could help to pull up my marks for that module so that i could do well for it.
But no, it didnt. I was really disappointed that day, but i was told, my marks arent that bad after all. Yeah it wasnt that bad, but i just wished it could be better. But afterall, i still told myself its alright, just dont have too high expectations the next time round. Well, if you dont set your expectations too high, and if it didnt turn out well, you wouldnt be too sad. And if it turns out well, you will be very happy, which is a good thing isnt it?
Alright, anw im glad that this sem has come to an end. You guys probably dont know or wont know, this sem is a terrible one for me. I guess im never so stressed in the entire school life of mine. Perhaps because its the first sem of year 2, i couldnt adapt to it since year 2 is much harder than year 1. Well, i still have 2 more sems to complete in sp, the other sem will be my itp. Thankfully its all over, i'll take a good break during this holiday.
Anyway, i dont know if i've mentioned this. I know i said that i've been wanting to go for overseas itp, either at usa or finland. Anyway, initially i thought i would be going in march next year, which is just half a year later, because apparently thats how it goes for previous batches. But there's a change of plan for my batch, and i'll be going in next year sep instead. Apparently its another disappointment for me, well not because im too excited to go, but there's some other reasons. I was seriously so pissed off with the change of plan, i was so disappointed, and in a really bad mood at that time. But i know there's nothing i can do, and i've got to accept it. Now that i did accept it, i guess there are certain problems which i have to face, and i cant escape from it anymore.
Okay anyway, lets not talk about that. So, whats my plan for hols?
I plan to work if i can find, definitely i need some lobang from ppl, if you guys do have please tell me. I need to work to save up for my overseas itp though its still long, but its quite a lot of money too.
And yup besides working, hmm training i guess? Going out to enjoy myself, and taking a good break.
Well anyway, is anyone going back to ctss for year's teachers day? I know its random, but i kinda miss ctss and my classmates and friends. Thinking about it, times flies. Has been 2 years since i've graduated from there, its like just a few more months before the jc ppl finished their jc education. Okay alright, thats random.
Well anw, happy holidays to those who already had theirs and good luck to those still have exams! :D

Its difficult to...

Im choosing something which is supposedly better for me.
It may not be the best solution to problems, but at least, it makes myself feel better.
Now i understand, perhaps many words were said to make me feel better, or were a form of encouragement or maybe just to comfort me. In fact, they may all be lies, but i believe its white lies in this case.
In fact, i wasnt really expecting anything, i've made my decision already. Im just rather disappointed to know that all those words were not meant to be true... Im not implying that im blaming anyone, i know no one is at fault. But i would rather not hear lies, but its okay, i'll just pretend as if i didnt know anything and didnt realize.

I know there's a limit how much others can help me...
People around me are trying, perhaps now i've realize it. Maybe the problem lies with me.
Sorry that i'm always like this. Just that at times, i dont know why, im just like this. You all probably wont know, i've tried, but cant.
Im just in no mood for anything, not interested in anything.
And perhaps because of this, im slowly distancing myself, im losing trust in others and i dont really wish to communicate so much anymore.
Actually i know i'm not solving the problem, instead im just escaping from it. I realized everytime there's a problem, im always escaping from it. But sometimes, it may be the best solution available.

Sometimes i think about the past, and i feel that it was so much better.
Few years ago, when i was back in secondary school, everything was so much simpler, happy was just defined as happy and sad was just defined as sad.
Things arent as complicated.
Since people are trying to help me, maybe its time for me to do something for them and myself...
I hope it helps....



一个人，久了也会累
哭了总希望有人安慰
但是，有时候要找个听你说话的人很难
而有时候想把心里的话说出来却更难

Last week of school! :D

Hi people, this week is gonna be my last week of school.
The next week will be revision week, still have to come back for one or two presentations i think.
Well, most of my projects are cleared, im left with the last 2 presentations and everything will be over! (For this sem)
I have 2 tests on my revision week, which is the week after this, idk how am i gonna study coz apparently there isnt much time. Its quite ridiculous coz the test is on our revision week, just right after we cleared all our projects.
Well anw, i guess this coming week shall be a better one, im really damn damn tired for the past few weeks. Because i had to sleep late, because i had to worry about my projects, because i am so stress, i get mood swings so damn easily for the past few weeks, i seemed so restless everyday. And now that its gonna be all over soon, i hope everything's gonna go back to normal.
Anw, I went drinking with my friends for the past two days. But well, we didnt go to any bars, we were just sitting somewhere randomly getting cans of beer. Anw, dont worry, i didnt turn into a rebellous girl or something.
Its just that other people told me, and i realized it myself too, when i drink, i tend to be a lot more high, a lot happier, and i talk so much more than normal. Its much much much better than the emo me. They said i seemed more cheerful this few days and more crazy in fact. Hmmm maybe true? I cant totally not have mood swing, but at least, they dont see so much of my emo side recently. And dont get me wrong, i wont end up being a drunkard drinking everyday though. I shall just assume that i was over-stressed for the past few weeks, and probably, i wouldnt be so emo after this week?
Well of course, when i drink, i definitely wont get myself drunk, although everyone said i am, but i know clearly im not. So dont worry, i wont over-drink or something. I just wanted some form of celebration since all the projects are kind of over? But anw, its quite a good bonding session with all of them. Got to know the juniors a little better, and got a bit closer with them, which is a good thing.
And anw, next week there wont be trainings until exams ended, so i'll be much more free.
Hmm anw this few days, im just thinking about something which i cant make a decision.
I think i did mention in my previous post, i didnt get my rws scholarship. So well, now im actually considering whether i should go over to usa for my 6 months itp.
I would like to go for the experience, but see, its 6 months. I feel that im gonna lose out so much within this 6 months. Which is why im struggling to make a decision. So anyone, please give me some advice, should i or should i not?
Hmmm well if i decided to, i would need to save up, coz its actually quite a lot though there's subsidy by sp.
So im actually thinking of working this holiday, any lobang people?
And i havent been shopping for really long, need some money for shopping. Not v broke recently though coz previous few weeks didnt really go out and manage to save a little.
Well anw, that will be all for now, gonna update again sometime after my test or something.
Wish me luck for my revision! :D