Awful day

I didn't know what to name this post as, and decided to name it as awful day, coz it was such a horrible day for me. I woke up at 6 plus, to go to work at 9am, and ended work at 11pm, still awake at 12.30am waiting for my hair to dry till dont know what time, and go to sleep, then have to wake up at about 6 plus again tomorrow. And you know what? I just ended my mst yesterday and i am working straight away the next day. And this is the same routine for my next 23 days till my school reopens. Sometimes i kinda think my life is so pathetic. I mean, tell me.. this holiday is a break that i have been wanting for so long, and finally it comes, and then i scheduled work on almost every day of my holiday, and then i complained i'm tired. I know it sounds contradicting, but i didn't want to. I sometimes wonder why im working so hard for. I'm working because i want to earn money for disney, but is that the main reason? I mean, so what if i have lots of money? Okay, i know no one gets my point here. But, i just dont get it why i always have to make some sort of decision and then regret it after making them. Okay i don't know if anyone understands this feeling. I just think that i didn't manage to protect myself, didn't manage to stand up for myself, and i really hate it. As in, i clearly know i wasn't feeling quite right, i know i'm rather unhappy, yet i kept my mouth shut and didn't do anything. Okay, i feel like a joke. I think if i were to tell others, they would think i'm such a joke. I have this kind of unexplainable feelings within me. Well, i really just don't know how to say, but i just have to urge to type out whatever that comes to my mind. Haven't really been feeling this way for quite some time, with too many negative thoughts of my mind. I've got this feeling that if im gonna tell someone about this, they aren't gonna understand how it feels. How terrible it is. I dont know if anyone knows this has been a really heavy burden for me, one that i have yet to let go even though i thought i did. Is it really others who are trying to make me fall, or is it me who has been stopping myself from moving on? Okay, like i say, i dont think anyone understands this. Everyone will just find it funny. If you want to move on, just move on. Why would you stop yourself from moving on? The burden is just too heavy that i can't help being affected everytime i think about it. Like those people who have judged me. I bet you guys don't know how heavy it is for me to be carrying it all on myself, and to walk till this far. I've always been thinking about those people who judged me. What right do they have? Try being in my shoes, tell me if it is easy. Okay, i guess i'm just in this really bad mood for today and thats why i started scolding people even though i didn't want to bring the past up. But still, i'm really moody now and i'm trying to cheer myself up in some way. And sometimes i wonder if it is wrong to be a nice person. Is it true that when you are nice everyone takes advantage of you? I mean is it really necessary to be mean to others? 好人真的没有好报吗？ I've got too many questions which i cant find the answer to.