What is wrong?

Hello guys, I'm taking some time off to blog because apparently i'm not really in the right mood to get to work. Have been feeling rather down for the whole day today. Well why? I dont really know the reason, but i guess its because of projects. I dont know why, but i am like so tired of projects. Though my projects submission dates are mainly next week and its almost done, but i just feel, so tired. I know i have been ranting about this since like 10000000 years ago. And everytime i said i'm busy/ stressed, its always because of projects. But i really am. I feel so exhausted. Not physically exhausted, mentally exhausted. I dont know how to describe this kind of feeling. Sleep doesnt help. I guess i have enough hours of sleep every day. But still, every day, i dread the thought of going to school, dread the thought of doing project. I just feel so tired and restless. So not motivated for anything :( Perhaps this is normal, or maybe, i've become lazier? But still, yes i really am tired. Its like, this kind of stress, tiredness have been accumulating for so long, and it doesnt help even if you allow me to sleep. Gosh, really but please, time pass really fast please. My motivation now is disney. Keep telling myself this is gonna be over real soon, and in no time, i'll see myself in America. Yes, hoping this is true, so time, please pass really quickly. I just dislike doing projects, dislike having to worry about this and that, dislike having to redo all my work over and over again just because it isn't good enough, dislike having to think so much and kill so much of my brain cells, dislike doing so much and in the end i've got so disappointed, dislike getting so stressed up!!!!!! I dislike the insecurity that is lying within me, dislike the low confidence within me, dislike feeling so inferior. I hope i can do more than this. I keep thinking that whatever i did wasn't enough, but what is enough? Who can tell me how much of efforts are needed to be enough? I'm tired of having to feel that i'm not being my best. Tired of feeling that i'm not doing enough. Maybe i'm too afraid to be at my best, too afraid to do too much because i'm just too afraid of disappointment. I hope i can be better, or is this my best? I know i'll pull through this, but... I just need someone to assure me, tell me i'm good enough. Someone who understands how i'm feeling, to tell me they know i've tried. Because i feel insecure about everything, because of the lack of confidence, i often don't have enough courage to do the best of what i actually can. Perhaps, to do better than what i'm currently doing. I'm trying to change this personality of mine, trying to be more confident with myself. But this doesnt comes easy you know. Hopefully, i'll end off this semester well, and it will allow me to see some potential in myself. Coz now, i just feel that i don't live up to my name. I'm not worth all the positions and status given to me.

我不介意牺牲那一点，来换取多一点的快乐

Hi all, school has been pretty much busy for me. And how's it for all of you? I'm stuck with all the projects and tutorials for this term. Its such a torture, only 3 projects for this term and i feel like dying. I've got 7 projects, yes 7 freaking projects next term. How am i gonna survive tell me? But still, i'm gonna pull through this definitely. I'm so damn excited about my disney trip!!!! Okay i know i am such an embarrassment, apparently my other coursemates from other classes seemed so calm. But the 3 of us in 06 are so damn excited. Mountain tortoise lol. Hehe but really, especially when i start to apply for this and that, start to go for this check or that check. I went for a criminal investigation check yesterday, and i think after that we applying for visa? All these just makes me feel that the day is coming nearer and nearer! :DD But before all this, i have to finish up my freaking last sem of poly. Year 3 is so tough seriously!!!! I'm pretty tired with projects, projects and projects. I guess i just hate projects. Maybe it was not the project group that i disliked all along. Even though i have a much much much better, in fact a really good group this sem, i still feel so tired, so stress up, so frustrated, so annoyed. Yes, and i figured it out, i'm just not the type for projects. Yeah, never. I hate research, hate trying to go around getting information which seems almost impossible. Really, but still, i keep telling myself, its the freaking last semester. In fact, i dont know why, i am still so affected by all these. I feel... its the same thing happening again. I didnt want to mention this, but i just feel.... i don't know what's the right word to use to describe my feelings. Irritated? Stressed? Tired? Unappreciated? Troubled? I dont know.. but.. yeah i just dont like this feeling. Maybe its the different views and opinions every individual have that causes all these. Or maybe... it was me who changed? I just dont want to, and dont think it is worth it just for that. And all i want is for this semester to end quickly, and i really hope for that. And maybe now i kinda understand when people says... Being the best doesn't neccessary makes you the happiest. And not being the best, you may be much happier in that way. I mean at least, you don't have to worry about this and that, don't have to worry about not meeting the expectations, don't have to worry about not being the best anymore. Maybe i'm thinking too much again. Sigh, have been trying to tell myself not to overthink. Overthinking ruins you, makes you paranoid, affects your emotions..... Alright, i shouldn't. Trying hard not to.

Time machine

Hello people! Just here to do a quick update since i'm waiting for my hair to dry now. Life is pretty much the same everyday, going to school, getting busy with projects. But to be honest, this term passed by really fast and the coming week is already the 4th week. Anyway, i have went for my disney interview, and i know my results yesterday, i passed through the interview and accepted the position given. So now, just need to wait for september to come! I really wish for poly to be over, not that i hate my poly life. I think life has been pretty good to me so far, at least for now, it is very very "peaceful". But, i'm just kind of tired of studying, you know that tired, 3 years is enough for me. I am still considering if i should go uni after poly, in fact, thats the "safe path" that i should be going, everyone is telling me so. But, i'm just... quite tired, no very tired of studying, very tired of repeating a life somewhat similar, or maybe, more difficult than poly. But before that, i should just finish my last sem of poly before thinking so much. Anyway, i'm actually very excited for disney, though september may seem long, like about 4 more months, but... it is not. Time flies, really. I've got a lot of random thoughts through my mind. Okay actually everyday i have random thoughts. I dont know if im actually thinking too much. Yes maybe i am, coz i do self-reflection everyday, anytime, anywhere, as long as i am free. I keep thinking, if i chose the other path, how would it had been? Am i still struggling with life, or would i have overcome all those that i thought i couldnt. I thought it was over, but when i heard and saw it again, those words keep flashing in my mind. Actually, i wanted to say it so badly, just that, i dont know how am i gonna tell. I dont know if i will ever get the chance to speak to you again. But whether or not, it doesnt really matter coz things have changed. Maybe, hopefully, our paths may meet someday and that's when we can talk about anything, everything.