说不哭

I was very sad today. Very.
I keep thinking about everything, what people think of me, all the things that have happened. People dont understand, i thought about all the possible situations, and i know, nobody understand how i have felt all the while.
I've tried, i dare to say i've tried my best. How many people believe me? All out of those who believe me, how many people understand how it feels to have tried yet couldnt get anything out of it? And what about the feeling when other people who are better than you keep saying they are feeling the worst, but obviously you know you are much worst than them. I guess i've always hate the feeling of being neglected, neglected feelings. Maybe i've always wanted to say this out, just that i didnt know who's gonna be there to listen, like really listen with the heart. If you are sincerely caring about others, trying to help them, and others dont even appreciate it, dont recognize your efforts, how does it feel? Do i deserve all these? I tried to do whatever i can, but it doesnt make a difference. Its like... when you are always nice to people, they dont realize how nice you are. But if you are nice to them once in a while, they feel so touched. Why did i hang on for so long? I wanted to turn things around, do what i can because i've always thought whatever i did wasnt enough. But, now i know, actually i did alot, it was enough, it was just that people who dont know how to appreciate, didnt even realize anything. Because some things were of little significance to them, it isnt even called efforts. Only things that would make enough difference to others would be known as efforts.
I said all these, because until now, i realized i've yet to let go of everything. Thinking of it still makes me cry, still makes me so sad about it. Is it because of those words? Is it because everything was too hurtful. Really, the period of time was like a nightmare, nightmare for me. I would never want to go back to that time. And those times which was so memorable, so fun, that was just the beginning. I hope, i can meet people who knows how to appreciate. Appreciate all the little things people do for you. I hope i can meet people who truly understands me, and listen to me. I hope i can stop thinking about all these things, at least stop letting all these things affect my self-esteem, my confidence. Okay, i guess its just for today. Havent been like that for quite some time.
希望不要再为不值得的人和事哭了