I hope you guys have had a nice reunion dinner, hope you guys will enjoy your chinese new year.
I always thought of cny as a really boring occasion, coz i dont really have anything to do during cny.
I would be at my grandma's house, and there's really nth much for me to do there..
Perhaps the only thing for me to look forward to was the collection of ang bao and to be able to dress up nicely, and maybe the goodies.
Yeah, perhaps... But every year, i'll still wish for that day to come, coz it was kinda special, to me, coz i guess thats the day all our relatives get together....
So you know, i really thought of it as a special day, its like a family day for us, coz i rarely have one, and i dont even rmb when's the last time i ever had it...
But, its kinda sad and pathetic when this only day is ruined, by some small little silly issues.
So often, i dont add a "happy" to my chinese new year, coz i obviously know that it wouldnt be that happy.
You know sometimes, you really hope things can change, or at least, remain as how it is. But sadly, it didnt, the situation may worsen, till a point of time where you really cant take it anymore.
Its really kind of pathetic, when you dont even understand why should people behave in such a way. I dont see a point in continuing the situation like this.
You know, i really wanted a break, a proper break from school because i was so tired, so stress up from work.
I was so disappointed with my fom results coz i really did put in so much effort even though i was so busy with cheer, even though we met with difficulties this time round. And yet, what was the results seen? Is it even worth the effort?
I was really so disappointed, so sad, to the extend which i asked myself what was all those effort and hardwork for? For a stupid B grade?
So i wanted a break, a short one, before i can finally work really damn hard for the final exams.
But this break, apparently didnt make me happier, it didnt make me more relieve, isnt it?
I dont know, maybe sometimes you have been looking at things from your own point of view, and you couldnt really see things clearly.
And maybe sometimes, you thought things have been so difficult for you, but you didnt really think of others.
I know, i really know, it is difficult, but what about me? Was it easy for me to go through all this?
And perhaps, i still have to continue going through it, and maybe, its not gonna end, never.
Sometimes we say, we hate people who are fake, hate people with fake smiles, fake tears, fake feelings, hate those who are so fake to others.
But maybe i should say, perhaps sometimes people should remain a little fake, because being yourself, showing your hatred to others, it isnt necessary the best, because it will just cause problems, more problems.
I wish i could smile a little more, be a little less emo, coz i dont want to spread my emo-ness to others. But... in some situations, you are just not given a choice.
Yeah, but maybe i should be glad, a little more happy, that i've found someone, who can really understand how i feel, since she's the same as me. But maybe, she's still a little luckier.
Whatever it is, i'll still try to stay optimistic, i know whatever i've typed out contradicts this.
But i will, and i have been trying.
I'll just hope that this is a happy chinese new year, and i mean it, really happy one.
Hope you guys enjoy your new year, collect more hong baos alright!
I've never wanted everything to be perfect, but maybe, the only reason why i cant be always happy is i didnt know how to look beyond those imperfections.
And this, i just have to learn to do it.
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