Do you understand?

I want to do well so freaking badly...
But i cant, no matter how hard i've tried.
And do you all understand that kind of disappointment, not just disappointment, huge disappointment, hitting you over and over again.
Falling down over and over again, do you know how hard it is to pick myself up?
Working hard isnt always the key to success, you know?
But i really tried, i wish to tell you all how much i've tried.
But from everything im showing, i dont know how i can convince you all that i've tried.
And you cant understand, how helpless i am.
And you cant understand how impossible it is.
And you cant understand everything which im feeling.
So tell me, what am i suppose to do?
What a good way to start 2011.