I hate the fact that most of the time i'm just force to accept the truth even though i do not want to.
It sucks so bad.
I wonder if i brought this upon myself.
Knowing right from the start this is how everything's gonna turn out, but i still chose to go this way. If I didn't, probably it wouldn't hurt so much? I know better than anyone else what i should do, yet i do not want to do the right thing. I know only by letting go can i continue to move on. But, all these were too much for me to let go. I can't bear to let go, neither do i want to..
But what's the point? Holding on so tightly to the hopes that would only bring me down, coming up with neverending lies telling myself that things gonna get better. Oh, so did i just forget that all these were what pulled me down? And all these were what that turned into tears, hurt and hatred?
I can always be reminding myself of those things that happened, but i can never stop myself from wanting more.
Greed.
I still remember that day when i was on the cab, that morning. I cried and cried and cried, coz i don't want to leave. I cried non-stop. And now, almost two months later, i'm sitting here, still crying.
I know i'm stupid. I probably never mean as much to him compared to how much he mean to me. Even though i know it doesnt help and wouldnt change a thing, i still did whatever i can. Even though i know i can never be compared to her, i still did whatever i can. Even if i'm just a nobody, or probably just someone who helped him to move on. Yes, and if i really did help him to move on, who's gonna help me right now? But what should i do? Those memories were too good for me to even stop thinking about it and move on with my life.
Still, i'm rational enough to know that i can't carry on like this. I know what i should do, my brain knows. But deep inside me, i just didn't want to.
